Is My Anger Normal? A 5-Minute Self-Check (CBT-informed)

May 1
4 min read

Anger is a normal human emotion. The question isn’t “Do I get angry?” - it’s “Is my anger working for me, or working against me?” This quick, non-diagnostic self-check helps you spot patterns, map triggers, and choose a next step that actually helps.

Important: This isn’t a diagnosis. If there’s risk of harm to yourself or others, seek urgent help through local services.

Part 1: The 2-minute checklist

Tick what applied in the last two weeks:

Frequency & intensity

☐ I felt anger most days, even if low-level.

☐ Small frictions (traffic, delays, noise) triggered a big reaction.

☐ I went from calm to “snapped” faster than I’d like.

Body cues

☐ Tight jaw/shoulders, clenched fists, hot face, or a racing heart.

☐ Shallow breathing or a “buzzing” sensation in my chest.

Thinking patterns

☐ I replayed arguments or drafted “perfect comebacks” in my head.

☐ I noticed black-and-white or “they always/never” thinking.

☐ I assumed negative intent (e.g., “They’re trying to wind me up”).

Behaviour & impact

☐ I used a sharp tone, sarcasm, or went silent to make a point.

☐ I apologised for how I spoke (not just what I said).

☐ A relationship at home or work felt strained because of my temper.

☐ Alcohol, poor sleep, hunger or caffeine made my fuse noticeably shorter.

Recovery

☐ After an outburst, I felt shame or avoided the person/topic.

☐ It took me more than an hour to return to baseline.

Score: Count your ticks.

0–2: You’re probably OK, with room to fine-tune.
3–6: Your regulation system is under strain—skills will help.
7+: Anger is likely costing you (and others). It’s a good time to get structured support.

Part 2: Map your triggers and “anger chain” (2 minutes)

Use one recent flare-up and fill this quick CBT-style map:

Situation (facts only):

Where/when/who?

Trigger thoughts (first automatic appraisals):“

They don’t respect me,” “This always happens”…

Feelings (name 2–3):

Anger, frustration, embarrassment, fear…

Body cues:J

aw tight, chest hot, shoulders up…

Urges/behaviours:

Interrupt, lecture, slam a door, send a curt email, go silent…

Immediate consequence:

They shut down / I felt relief then regret / problem unsolved…

Now answer two reframing questions:

What else might be true?
“Maybe they’re overloaded,” “I didn’t state the deadline,” “My sleep was awful.”
What would ‘useful anger’ do next?
Make a clear request, set a boundary, ask for context, take a timed pause.

Repeat this map for your top two situations (work/home). Patterns jump out fast.

Part 3: A 60-second reset for the next flare-up

Feet + jaw: Plant both feet; unclench your jaw.
Breathe 4–6: Inhale 4, exhale 6—five rounds.
Name it: “I’m feeling anger + [frustration/embarrassment].”
Buy time (one line):
- “I want to handle this well. Give me 10 minutes and I’ll come back with options.”
Choose one action: Clarify, request, or park—don’t default to a lecture.

What to do with your result

If you scored 0–2 (tuning)

Keep a micro-journal for one week: time, trigger, body cue, action (3 bullets per entry).
Pre-empt stacked triggers: protect sleep, eat regularly, watch caffeine/alcohol.
Practise the reset when calm so it’s automatic when you’re hot.

Useful link: Journal tool (if available)Explore: Anger Management Programme overview (skills roadmap)

If you scored 3–6 (skills needed)

Create two scripts you’ll use this week:
- Boundary (work): “Happy to help. With an hour’s notice I can do X. For Y, I’d need it by 3pm the day before.”
- Repair (home): “I spoke sharply. That’s on me. Here’s what I actually need…”
Do one trigger map per day for 7 days.
Accountability: tell one person the cue you’re working on (e.g., “late replies”) and your replacement behaviour.

Next step: Book a free consultation to tailor the plan and practise under guidance.Explore: Anger Management Programme (weekly skills + one-to-one support)

If you scored 7+ (impact showing up)

Safety first: if arguments risk turning aggressive, step away and seek support.
Structure your environment: avoid important conversations when hungry, tired, or after drinking.
Fast wins this week:
- Replace criticism with a request (“When X happens, I feel Y. Can we Z?”).
- Use the 10-minute pause line every time you feel the surge.
- Schedule a skills session—practice beats willpower.

Take action: Book a free consultation

Learn more: Anger Management Programme (clear plan, skills you can use immediately)

FAQs

Isn’t anger sometimes useful?

Yes—anger highlights boundaries and values. The aim isn’t “never angry,” it’s useful anger: recognised early, expressed clearly, and resolved without fallout.

What if my anger is mostly internal?

That counts. Self-criticism and shutdown are still anger patterns. The same skills—awareness, breathing, reframing, requests—help here too.

How long until I notice a shift?Many people feel a difference in the first couple of weeks once they practise the reset, scripts, and trigger mapping consistently.