How Anger Shows Up at Work (and What to Do Instead)

Anger at work isn’t always shouting in a meeting. More often it’s sharp emails, clipped replies on Slack, prolonged silences, or an edge that creeps into decisions. If any of this feels familiar—whether you’re an employee, manager or founder—here’s how to spot it early and switch to something that actually works.

The many faces of anger at work

In meetings

• Talking over people, or “correcting” in a way that shuts others down

• Eye-rolls, sighs, and side comments

• Digging in: defending a position long after it’s useful

In emails/Slack

• One-liners that read like orders

• “Per my last email” tone; cc’ing people to apply pressure

• Delayed replies that are really silent treatment

In leadership

• Firefighting mode: urgency becomes the culture

• Micromanaging to keep control, then resenting the time it takes

• Public “feedback” that’s actually venting

In yourself

• Heart rate spikes before 1:1s or stand-ups

• Clenched jaw while reading updates

• Replaying arguments on your commute home

If you recognised two or more, it’s a signal—not that you’re a bad colleague, but that your regulation system is overloaded at work.

A 60-second reset you can use in the moment

1. Feet + jaw. Plant both feet; unclench your jaw.

2. Breathe 4–6. Inhale for 4, exhale for 6, five rounds.

3. Name it. “I’m feeling anger + frustration.” (Labelling lowers intensity.)

4. Buy time. Use a holding line (below), then return when you’re steadier.

5. Choose an action. Clarify, ask, or park it—don’t default to a lecture.

Use this before you speak, type, or hit send.

Boundary-setting scripts (that don’t cause more fires)

In a meeting (scope creep / derail)

• “I want us to stay on the decision for today. Let’s log the new idea and come back Wednesday.”

• “I’m hearing different priorities. Can we pause and agree the top one before we continue?”

With a peer (repeated last-minute asks)

• “Happy to help when I can. With an hour’s notice I can only do X, not Y. For full support I’d need the brief by 3pm the day before.”

With your manager (unclear direction)

• “So I can deliver what you want: success looks like ___, due ___, and if trade-offs appear we’ll choose ___ over ___—does that match your view?”

With your team (quality slips)

• “When the checklist isn’t followed, I get frustrated and we lose rework time. From today, nothing goes out without it—if you’re blocked, flag it early.”

With a client (scope + tone)

• “I want to keep this collaborative. We can deliver A within the fee. B and C would need an add-on or we can phase them—what’s your preference?”

Holding lines (when you’re hot)

• “I want to handle this well. Give me 15 minutes and I’ll come back with options.”

• “I’m not landing this clearly. Let me rewrite and circle back after lunch.”

Email/Slack rewrites (before–after)

Before:

This is late. You’ve ignored the brief again. Fix it today.

After:

Thanks for turning this around. Two gaps against the brief: A and B.Can you update by 4pm? If that timing’s tight, say so now and we’ll adjust.

Before:

As I said three times already, the numbers are wrong.

After:

I’m seeing a mismatch between the deck and the source sheet (rows 42–68).Let’s align on which dataset is final, then update slide 7 accordingly.

Before:

Why am I only hearing about this now?

After:

I want to understand timing. When did we first know X had changed?If we can catch this a step earlier next time, we’ll avoid the scramble.

Leading when you’re angry (without spreading it)

• Slow the room. “We’re switching to single-track. One person at a time; we’ll list open loops and decide at the end.”

• Make standards visible. Document “how we do feedback” and “what ‘done’ means” so it’s not personal.

• Separate pace from panic. Urgency is a tool, not a mood. Use clear timeboxes, not pressure.

If the anger is coming at you (from a boss, client, or colleague)

• Don’t match volume. Lower your voice; name the task.“I want to help. Shall we focus on the must-fix for today?”

• Set the boundary.“I’m happy to discuss the work. I’m not OK with personal comments. If that continues, I’ll step out and reschedule with someone else present.”

• Document and escalate appropriately. Facts, times, impact, requested change. Loop HR in if behaviour breaches policy.

Make future flare-ups less likely

• Pre-briefs > post-mortems. Agree outcomes, constraints and the “good enough” line before you start.

• Cadence saves tempers. Short, regular checkpoints beat end-of-week pile-ups.

• Protect the basics. Sleep, food, caffeine and alcohol all move your fuse length.

• Skill practice when calm. Rehearse scripts and the 4–6 breath so they’re automatic under pressure.

When to get structured support

• Blow-ups or silent stand-offs are costing relationships, clients or retention.

• You’re self-censoring to avoid someone else’s temper.

• You’ve tried to “be calmer” and it sticks for a week—then you’re back at square one.

Our Anger Management Programme is a private, online, skills-based course. Across 12 weeks you’ll learn practical tools to recognise triggers earlier, regulate faster, and communicate clearly—through weekly modules, one-to-one sessions with a dedicated facilitator, and (optionally) group practice. We also offer corporate support for HR and leaders who want to reduce conflict and improve communication across teams.

Book your free consultation now...